I'm feeling terribly low today. Sometimes I get into these moods where I feel bad, and every little "bad" or "semi-bad" thing that happens to me somehow turns into a giant mountain of badness.

I'm heartbroken. I hate my job. I'm falling behind in school. I'm $800 behind on my tuition. I've been getting sick for almost 2 weeks. I haven't done laundry in a month (minus underwear and work clothes). One of my cats is insanely sick. I'm broke. I look like shit because I'm broke and sick and haven't done laundry in a month. I miss my friends. I miss loving. I miss being loved. I'm exhausted.

I'm sinking into depression because of all these things, and because I can't draw up the strength and will to make them better, I fail, and fall further down. It's so hard to try and stay positive when you feel like your life is a clusterfuck of loneliness and you give everything you have to try and stay afloat. But I'm not. I'm drowning, and I'm ashamed of it, and that makes it even harder.

Usually at this point in a post I'd apologize for being so emo and write some sort of clever quip about pms or something. I can't do that today. I can't brush off how I'm actually feeling and glaze over it with bad jokes. I am sad and  I'm going to be sad about being sad, dammit.